


Beat me Down Until There's Nothing Left

by emo_trash



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Agender Chara, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Chara-centric, Child Abuse, DMAB Chara, Gender-Neutral Chara, Graphic, Reader Is Chara, Self-Harm, Soft Chara, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, i'm so sorry chara, pre-game, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emo_trash/pseuds/emo_trash
Summary: Chara didn't fall into the Underground—they jumped.





	Beat me Down Until There's Nothing Left

**Author's Note:**

> Song-fic loosely based off of "Perfect" by Alanis Morissette  
> I'd recommend listening while you read; I think it helps set the mood  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9WIM2zZ2nI

 

> _Sometimes is never quite enough  
>  If you're flawless, then you'll win my love_

 

You bite your tongue to keep the snarl from tumbling from your lips.

You know better by now than to complain.

“Yes, Mother.”

 

>   
>  _Don't forget to win first place_  
>  _Don't forget to keep that smile on your face_

Sobs wrack your body. You examine the cut on your forehead in the bathroom mirror and fight back a whimper when you see shards of glass embedded in the wound.

Your teacher had seen the bruises on your arms, and had called your mother in for a meeting with the principal and the guidance councilor.

When Mother was done explaining that you had “done them to yourself” because you were “desperate for attention” and “mentally unstable”, she’d taken you home and smashed an empty whiskey bottle over your head.

“It won’t happen again, Mother.”

You smile ~~even if though it kills you inside~~.

 

 

> _Be a good boy_   
>  _Try a little harder_   
>  _You've got to measure up_   
>  _Make me prouder_

Mother was drunk—again. You could tell the second you walked in your house.

Heart in your throat, you try to scurry up to your room before she notices you're there.

It never works. You don’t even know why you bother anymore.

This time, she’s not her typical screaming, spitting, hate-filled drunken self. No; today she’s the sobbing, heart-broken Mother whose son is a disappointment.

She cries, and yells at you that this is **your fault.**

**You’re the reason your father left.**

**You’re the reason I’m miserable.**

**You can’t even decide if you're a boy or a girl.**

**You’re not my son.**

**It’s your fault.**

**It’s**

**all**

**your**

**fault.**

****

 

> _How long before you screw it up_  
>  _How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up_  
>  _With everything I do for you_  
>  _The least you can do is keep quiet!_

You don’t go to school anymore, which is both a blessing and a curse.

Mother had withdrawn you when it became apparent that you weren’t going to be able to explain away the bruises and cuts that always decorated your face.

You were glad that you didn’t have to deal with your classmates anymore. They laughed at you and shoved you to the ground and kicked you while you were down.

But on the other hand...you no longer had time away from Mother.

And things got very bad, very fast.

 

> _Be a good girl_  
>  _You've gotta try a little harder_  
>  _That simply wasn't good enough_  
>  _To make me proud_

Mother decided one day that you didn’t deserve to speak anymore. You were a disgraceful, disgusting... **thing**. You were an embarrassment to her, and that’s why she was so lonely all the time. She was ashamed to show her face in public because she hated that people knew that she was related to **you.**

And to think that after you’ve already taken so much away from her, you had the **nerve** to **speak** to her?!

No. You were to sit there and be **quiet** , because **only good boys and girls get to talk.**

**And since you want to pretend that you “don’t have a gender” and you’re definitely not good, then you can shUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!**

Not for the first time, you thought about what it would be like if you weren’t around anymore.

 

 

> _I'll live through you_  
>  _I'll make you what I never was_  
>  _If you're the best, then maybe so am I_  
>  _Compared to him compared to her_

You made a grave mistake today.

Mother punched you in the mouth for “breathing too loudly” while she was trying to watch her shows, and something in you... **snapped**.

Vision red with rage—red like you **r eyes that Mother hates so much** , you drew back your fist and hit her back, putting all of your strength behind it.

Mother beat you (literally) half to death.

**You think your tough, don’t you?!**

**Guess what, bitch—you learned how to punch like that from me** .

 

>   
>  _I'm doing this for your own damn good_  
>  _You'll make up for what I blew_  
>  _What's the problem, why are you crying_

You slit your wrists with a rusty box cutter you found in your silverware drawer, and smiled as your life’s blood spilled out over the white kitchen tiles.

You were finally going to be **free**!

 

**Just what do you think you’re doing?!**

**If anybody here should want to die, it’s me! **

**What are you so miserable about, huh?!**

**I have to take care of you!!!**

**CLEAN YOURSELF UP NOW AND GET IN YOUR ROOM OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY.**

 

** S T O P **!                   

 

** F U C K I N G ! **

 

** C R Y I N G !                    **

 

 

****

> _Be a good boy_   
>  _Push a little farther now_   
>  _That wasn't fast enough_   
>  _To make us happy_   
>  _We'll love you just the way you are_   
>  _If you're perfect_

 

You don’t fall into the Underground.

 

 

                                                                                                            ** _You_ ** **_jump_**

 

**_head-first_ ** **_and_ **

 

**_laugh_**

 

**_when_ ** **_you_**

 

**_hit_ **

 

**_the_ **

 

**_bottom._ **

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing was me experimenting with a different writing style. Not sure how it came out  
> Please tell me what you think
> 
>  
> 
> It is 2:16 in the morning  
> I haven't slept in two days and I have school in six hours  
> :^)


End file.
